Greetings, Wololo Warriors! Last month, we asked you to pick up the mic and give us your best Age-themed verse as a rap or slam poetry. As always, we had a ton of excellent submissions, but a few of your entries seriously dropped the mic!
Here are the winners of September’s competition:
1. Herrknight: France
Gendarmes gendarmes watch out for your farms we be rolling in and taking off arms with our exquisite French charms.
Oui oui Madame we just mashed your town into strawberry jam and ate your ham before your husband Sam could take a musket to make a final stand.
Cannon spam town into sand, everyone just hearin bam bam bam, French here Rollin just controllin that town you were consoling, too bad we had to burn it down to the ground with halberidiers all round up in this town wishin they weren’t making you eat the ground.
Just remember when you be dealing with the French you better entrench ur men and have them clench to their own stench to survive before we get our revenge.
2. Cataphractus: Romans
The sun rise from Syria to Hispania
from Africa to the Rhine
the Roman banner flap
Every portion of earth
Every wave on the sea
belong to Rome and it´s people
The legions of the Romans march
to the clamour of battle
to retrun only by the Triumphal arch
How many Laurels Caesar wear!
How much glory in the Latium!
Jupiter himself seems to laud
The last of the men will die
before the legacy of the Romans
fade from his memory
3. Iambdaviking (Various Age Titles; bonus points for performing your entry as well!)
So what you tryna do?
I GG anyone who battle me
My bars be like spearmen
You be like some cavalry
Taking shots at yall
like I’m a Age IV ballista
You can’t win
like you facin’ theMistaa
Damn, that’s a throw-
back to online
You ain’t got no flow
but homie,
I be on mine
Yo’ TC explode with
this heat I’ma bring
A champ at regicide
boi you can’t kill this king!
Now pause,
cause the rhyme gonna switch
My bars like OP fire,
call that burning pitch
You think you’re cool
cause you’ve got a Titan?
OH CANADA
Now who’s frightened?
I’m good at this game,
you already know tho
I love to use my priests
That’s the motto #WOLOLO
I’m gonna stop,
I know yall want more
Drop that fire mixtape
when yall drop AoE4
4. Rekhytek :England
Yo, this is Elizabeth – Queen reporting back!
My army of Redcoats is coming for your flag.
Pack your guns and surrender or you can just get rekt.
I don’t care as long as you are in the sight of my Rocket.
Hey, why are you running, do you wanna take a ride?
Maybe I should send for your head my Life Guard Hussar.
I am sorry for your scar but this has already gone far.
Now let me show you what it means to dance with me at war!
Come on, at least play with me the Apple-shot game!
I’m meeting your soldiers with my bravest Longbowmen.
What a nice new land that we are going to obtain –
Thank you for your sheeps and well – See you soon again!
5. OmniDwarf: Turks
I Think It’s time to put you through the works
So I’m going to tell you about the Turks
You may have the combined military might,
But I’m the guy who’ll bring a gun to a knife fight
I am the turks, The Nation of gunpowder,
So stop and listen as I make this louder,
A little stone, A little gold,
Now watch as your ships explode
This may be cruel, But this is war
What I want is a little bit more
So I’ll strap a cannon to everything,
So sorry, but your loss will sting.
The best course of action would be to flee,
I am the Turks, And I’ll hunt you with glee.
Congrats to all winners!
This month, we want you to sit by the campfire and tell us your spookiest Age story. Did you come over the hill and run headlong into an army of war elephants? Were you caught on the other side of the map when your base was suddenly attacked? Or maybe some of your best units were taken from you by a mysterious creature, and you can still hear its shrieks in your dreams: “Wololo…Wololo…”
Submit your scariest story on the forum thread linked below for your chance to win!
Eligible entries MUST be appropriate (G-rated) and related to at least one of the Age of Empires games. They may contain a maximum of 800 characters, and must be submitted by Wednesday, 10/28 at 11:59 PM PDT. You can find the official rules here.
We can’t wait to read your stories!
